Note to Self

Dear Self,

You are blessed with two beautiful, healthy children. You've got an amazing little boy who is almost 2 & 1/2 and a sweet, smily little girl who is 7 & 1/2 months old. Life with two is (too say the least) chaos (but it's beautiful chaos)! You are cherishing every moment of this life you've been blessed with, but you need to file these times away for future viewing!

[I'm writing to you so that in 5 short months when your youngest turns 1 you will remember how life with small children can be. This blog will help you shut that voice inside up, (the one that tells you you should have another one) and to remember how great it is to have potty trained kids and that are becoming more and more self sufficient. After reading this blog, you will go hug your children, and go do all the things you can't do when you have a baby! I am the voice of reason! Listen to me and read this often especially when it seems like everyone around you is having babies.]

You wake up busy, you go non stop all day, and at night you are lucky to get an hour to put your feet up before you CRASH! Most nights you get about 7 hours of sleep and that's if you're lucky. With a baby and a preschooler you just never know who might wake up needing something and lately you're having trouble falling back to sleep, so if one of them does wake you up, it takes about an hour or 2 for you to fall back out. Usually by this time, it's almost morning anyway.

Your house is always messy. When you clean it, it takes on average a day and a half for it to look like it hadn't been cleaned at all and you always swear to yourself when it's clean that you're going to keep up with it. Then you realize... that's IMPOSSIBLE! Toys have taken over. You trip on them daily. It doesn't matter how many times you clean out the toy room, toys keep coming. Your in-laws and parents continue to fill your house every time they visit. It is their goal to watch you swim in toys.

If you want to leave the house, you start getting ready about an hour and a half before you have to be there, mostly because it takes that long to get everyone and everything ready and loaded up! You currently need 2 large bags for all the "stuff" aka diapers, wipes, blankets, sippy cups, snacks, toys, & oh, how the list goes on!! You have to decide between 4 strollers when you go out. You must decide between 2 singles and 2 doubles and once you do, you must load and unload the trunk (after of course, you've loaded the kids in). By the time you get in the car you are a sweaty mess!! You no longer have a say on music in the car. Occasionally, you listen to the Z (safe for the little ears), or a CD your husband burned for you, but for the most part you are limited to Mr. Richard, Disney Tunes, or other toddler tunes that you find yourself singing in the shower.

Time to yourself is rare. I'm talking RARE! You are lucky to get a shower every two days and you seriously need to pluck your eyebrows right now. I'm shocked that you actually shaved your legs yesterday. Way to go on that one. One of your favorite things to do is grocery shop, mostly because you usually go alone or only take one of the kids along. You are trying to hard to find time to workout, but are failing miserably and now that you pulled a muscle in your back (from lifting babies up and down all day) it's going to be a little while before you can anyway. Praying, reading, and blogging are your outlets and you are so blessed to have a Jill (one of my closest friends who also has two kiddos, 2 years and under).

Your poor husband works his butt off all day only to come home to you so ready for a break! You're lucky you have a good one, because sometimes you are grumpy, demanding, and no fun! He takes good care of you and the kids and you should probably tell him how much you appreciate him a lot more!

Mommy guilt eats you up. You often feel like you can't give your kids everything they need when they need it. You always feel like one is missing out because of the other. You never feel like you give enough attention to either of them and it feels like a juggling act sometimes. The TV is your friend because you know you can catch a shower or get in a half an hour of quick cleaning or cooking if you need it, but then you feel bad because (if you didn't already know) it's not good for kids to watch TV according to everyone on the face of the planet. You pray for patience and need more of it! It's not easy with two at their ages. At the end of the day you regret raising your voice over silly things and not hugging your kids nearly enough! You realize they will only be this age for such a short period of time and you will miss this stage one day. It's then you begin to count your blessings and reflect on how you can do things better the next day.

You are head over heals in love with your children and they love and need you so much! Love on them, love on them, and then love on them some more!! If you start to feel the itch for a baby read this blog and try to remember how rough your last pregnancy was! And of course, remember that if more are in God's plan, you'll know. He gave you Landon and Chandler in His perfect timing and if He wants you to have more, you will. Enjoy every day with them, even the ones like today when you feel on edge and tired!! Life is short and time is flying!

Last but not least, go to sleep already!

With lots of love,

Yourself at age 26 {almost 5 years married with a 2 year old and 7 month old}