So, I figured I'd take a few minutes just to put into words exactly why I feel so convicted to leave facebook in 2013.
There are a number of reasons and this isn't something I just woke up and decided to do. This is something I have been feeling like I should do for a long time. I've given it up here and there for a week or a month and during those times, I've been so very productive and truly don't miss it at all. In July, during the National Christian Convention I really felt the strong pull to get off, but I came up with a million reasons why I shouldn't (that my friends is called rationalization, we learned a lot about that in youth group when we were teenagers).
I'm not saying that facebook is evil or that you should leave it because I am. In fact, I know there are a lot of great benefits to having it. It's a great way to keep up with friends and family who live far away, a way to get ahold of people quickly or invite them to a party. In our home, we've even used it as a way to sell/give things away or to see if anyone is selling/giving away something we're looking for. My husband uses it to reach the youth and even the parents at our church. facebook can be used as a great tool, I won't deny that, but I will say that it can also be used to boast, to share things that are inappropriate, to make people feel left out (on purpose or not), and it really almost encourages us to compare ourselves to everyone else. I'd be lying too if I didn't mention that facebook is a way for us all to see what people from our past are up to and sometimes (if you're like me), to make yourself feel really good about where you are in your life and where they are not in theirs. Somehow it makes you feel justified for the past or like you came out on top. It's kind of sad actually, but I think if we got really honest with ourselves we'd all admit we've let our thoughts go there to there a time or two and frankly, I don't want to be that kind of person!
At the top of the list for me, it is just a complete time waster! It's easy to get on just to check a message or post a quick picture and then realize 45 minutes later that you haven't even done what you originally got on to do in the first place. As a pastor's wife and mother of two children under 5 with one on the way, time is precious, so very precious.
This is the year for me to stop talking about how much closer I'm going to get with God, how much more scripture I'm going to read and memorize, how awesome I'm going to be as a homemaker, how much more organized and full of fun lessons for our children I'll become and to finally just do it without the distractions! The best part is that it will be between me and God and my family and my best friend who I really and truly do life with. It's not about being awesome and posting it all over facebook. It's about being who God called me to be to the fullest and closing my eyes at the end of the day knowing that He is saying well done, Amanda, or good try today you'll do better tomorrow. I don't need the approval of my facebook friends and family to make me feel good or posts from other facebook friends to make me feel bad or not good enough.
I'm clinging to this passage from Matthew 6: 3-4 (The Message translation),
When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure --'playactors'-- I call them -- treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it -- quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scene, helps you out.
I love this. It's not about doing and sharing it with the world constantly. It's about sharing and doing for the world (or in this case my family) and knowing that this kind of doing becomes contagious. The kind of doing that is done just because, not because of who is watching. I'll still keep my blog to express how I'm feeling, but that's for me, because writing is something I enjoy and a way for me to have memories in print. It's also to encourage. Not to make anyone feel less about themselves or to brag about anything I am doing because trust in me, if I do something great, it's God working through me, not anything I did. He is the good in me!
2013 is a big year for our family. A new baby is coming in May or June. We'll start homeschooling in the Fall. Even with all of these awesome additions coming our way, I feel less overwhelmed then ever. I have a peace about this year. It's the year for me to cut out the distractions and focus on what really matters or as another wiser mommy has told me, "anything with a heartbeat."
Cheers to a new year!
My facebook will still be active in 2013. There are lots of pictures I need to get off of there and my husband may tag me in a post or two when our new baby comes or maybe even share a blog post with pictures of our growing family. He'll keep an eye on it too, make sure no one hacks or posts something yucky on there, but I will not be on it. Who knows if I'll be back in 2014, but as for 2013, I'm out!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
A Baby, Bunk-beds, and a Blog Name Change are Coming our Way... WE'RE PREGNANT!!
Well, it's officially facebook official... The Sanders will be welcoming a new baby into our family next year!
I'm Pregnant!
Trust us, we were just as surprised about 6 weeks ago as you are!
Landon, who is 4 now was absolutely 100% planned. We even tried all the magic they say to try to get a boy and it happened! Chandler Rae, now 2 was also 100% part of our plans. Tried for a girl and bam... got a girl! Baby Sanders number 3 was also 100% planned, but this time by God (my guess is it's a girl, but we won't be finding out until the birth). If you read my blog, then you read this post What Now? back in June. In this post I declared no babies, no dogs, and no moving for the Sanders family any time soon. Then in August you may have read this post, Life is Funny like That. Here I explained why we were moving on such short notice to our surprise! And here I am, just a few months later blogging about (in the words of my children) "a baby in my belly."
It's funny how God works! 28 and a half years on this planet helps you understand this. When we moved we got rid of everything baby! I'm talking everything! From the pack n play that I parted with through tears to just about every piece of baby clothing we had saved! After we moved, I started getting crafty and I really started enjoying the little bit of time I had to do some things I wanted to get done. We also made the big decision to home school our children (that's a blog post for another day), but over the last few months I really and truly have come to the realization that God has blessed us with two beautiful, healthy, funny, smart, and wacky children and that maybe two is what he planned for us. I literally said in my head to God probably about 8 weeks ago, "you know what, two is great. I think I'm good with two, God." Our children on the other hand, have been praying for another baby like crazy. Landon has asked many times how we get "one" in there. He even told us that we should get married again. We explained the best you can to a 4 year old that it comes with some praying and planning and so he did his part and started praying. I'm talking PRAYING. We'd be in the car and he would just say out of the blue, "Dear God, please put a baby in my mommies tummy, amen." This kid prayed so much for a baby, I began to worry what he may think if he didn't get this baby he was praying so hard for. Well, God has blessed us all by answering the prayers of my little ones and sometime in May or June we'll be welcoming that little answered prayer into our family with joy!
This is such a different experience as a mom because Landon was a baby when Chandler was born. There wasn't much involvement or explaining to do. They really don't remember life without each other. This time around they are so involved and excited. They're ready to be big helpers and can't wait for my belly to grow. Landon asked me the other day when the baby shower was because he was excited about having a cake (me too, Landon)!!
In other ways this pregnancy is turning out to be very similar to the others. I'm sick as a dog all day, all night, everyday. I'm craving some pretty weird stuff, but am too sick to eat it, smells of any kind are not welcomed, naps are a requirement, and I will be keeping any and all fast food chains that carry french fries in business for the next 7 months!
Selfishly, I'm not excited to be heaving over the toilet everyday and I'm not terribly excited to lose my figure again (I've worked very hard to get it back), but honestly, none of that will matter when I hold that sweet baby in my arms and love he/she with the same kind of crazy love I already have for my two kiddies.
I'm a little nervous about life with 3, after all we will be out numbered, but I'm more excited about our growing family and all that God has in store for us!
Cheers to a family of 5!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Life is Funny like that...
So if you read my last blog post, you know there were no immediate plans for moving, babies, or dogs for the Sanders family, but isn't it funny how quickly things change? Four years ago we were watching the Olympics with our newborn baby boy in a house that we owned. Four years later we have two kids and rent our current home (a decision we made to make it possible for me to be an at home mom).
No baby or dog (this month at least), but it is official, we are moving. Like I said in my last post (which you can read here), our current home has served us well, but our suspicions about mold issues were confirmed shortly after I posted that blog.
Our oldest (now 4) was a super healthy boy the first 17 months of his life. Two nights into living here, he needed breathing treatments and still does often when he is sick. Our sweet girly (now 2) seemed to be sick so much of her first year and almost always needs breathing treatments. We knew that moving would be in our near future after hearing our suspicions where correct, but we figured we should at least wait until our lease was up (about 6 months from now)....
To make a long story short, after much prayer we have decided to make a move sooner than later. The one thing I needed from God was confirmation and peace (that feeling in your gut that can only come from Him aka best feeling ever), which he absolutely gave me. I must also say He worked a lot of the kinks out for me too, starting with the fact that we've always been on a month to month lease in our current place, which means we will not be breaking our lease (who knew?)
Anyway, we are very excited about the next chapter of our lives and making our new house a home. The kids are little sad to say goodbye to the golf course and a little unsure about having their own rooms, but getting a backyard to play in seems to make it all worth it to them!
It's always a little sad to say goodbye to the house you've called home and done life in for many years, but we will always have the memories and the people we love most with us and that's all that matters! I always find myself going back to Matthew 6:21 when I picture us walking out the door for the last time. "For where your TREASURE is there your HEART will be also." I think it will be the hardest move for me mostly because the kids are old enough to be a part of it this time and we'll have their feeling and emotions to live through too.
As for now, it's all about packing, organizing, donating, trashing, selling, and still having fun and making memories as a family. I've not been on facebook or pinterest much and haven't had much time to read for pleasure (Although, I decided tonight, I'm going to cave and order a book for my kindle next week!) I have managed to squeeze in the Olympics (I'm such an Olympic geek! Confession: I choose Phelps over Lochte hands down no questions and I cry every time I watch Missy Franklin get a medal). Lately, I've pretty much been the queen of, "sorry, I wish I could and/or I'm so sorry I never texted/called you back." I've had to learn how to say no so much more than I would like to, but honestly, it's been a must for us. {If we're friends I hope we still are after this move and hear me say now, "I'm sorry and I miss you, and I'll be able to hangout again sometime in February!" HA!! But seriously, please know, I love you and it's not personal! I just have to do my job as wife, mommy, and homemaker and over these next few months that means I don't have much time to come out and play.}
So unless I'm so inspired that I have to stop packing and blog, I probably won't be posting for a bit. My goal is to move without spending a dime over what we normally spend on a monthly basis, so maybe I'll share some moving tips here and there time willing! Nothing promised though!
It's been fun fitting in a little blogging in the middle of this moving chaos. Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me and since packing makes me feel like I need to go get some therapy, it's works out for me. I decided today that unpacking is going to be less stressful and somewhat fun (ha)!!
Ta ta for now, Phelps is about to go for Gold for the very last time, can't miss that!
Happy Weekend!
No baby or dog (this month at least), but it is official, we are moving. Like I said in my last post (which you can read here), our current home has served us well, but our suspicions about mold issues were confirmed shortly after I posted that blog.
Our oldest (now 4) was a super healthy boy the first 17 months of his life. Two nights into living here, he needed breathing treatments and still does often when he is sick. Our sweet girly (now 2) seemed to be sick so much of her first year and almost always needs breathing treatments. We knew that moving would be in our near future after hearing our suspicions where correct, but we figured we should at least wait until our lease was up (about 6 months from now)....
To make a long story short, after much prayer we have decided to make a move sooner than later. The one thing I needed from God was confirmation and peace (that feeling in your gut that can only come from Him aka best feeling ever), which he absolutely gave me. I must also say He worked a lot of the kinks out for me too, starting with the fact that we've always been on a month to month lease in our current place, which means we will not be breaking our lease (who knew?)
Anyway, we are very excited about the next chapter of our lives and making our new house a home. The kids are little sad to say goodbye to the golf course and a little unsure about having their own rooms, but getting a backyard to play in seems to make it all worth it to them!
It's always a little sad to say goodbye to the house you've called home and done life in for many years, but we will always have the memories and the people we love most with us and that's all that matters! I always find myself going back to Matthew 6:21 when I picture us walking out the door for the last time. "For where your TREASURE is there your HEART will be also." I think it will be the hardest move for me mostly because the kids are old enough to be a part of it this time and we'll have their feeling and emotions to live through too.
As for now, it's all about packing, organizing, donating, trashing, selling, and still having fun and making memories as a family. I've not been on facebook or pinterest much and haven't had much time to read for pleasure (Although, I decided tonight, I'm going to cave and order a book for my kindle next week!) I have managed to squeeze in the Olympics (I'm such an Olympic geek! Confession: I choose Phelps over Lochte hands down no questions and I cry every time I watch Missy Franklin get a medal). Lately, I've pretty much been the queen of, "sorry, I wish I could and/or I'm so sorry I never texted/called you back." I've had to learn how to say no so much more than I would like to, but honestly, it's been a must for us. {If we're friends I hope we still are after this move and hear me say now, "I'm sorry and I miss you, and I'll be able to hangout again sometime in February!" HA!! But seriously, please know, I love you and it's not personal! I just have to do my job as wife, mommy, and homemaker and over these next few months that means I don't have much time to come out and play.}
So unless I'm so inspired that I have to stop packing and blog, I probably won't be posting for a bit. My goal is to move without spending a dime over what we normally spend on a monthly basis, so maybe I'll share some moving tips here and there time willing! Nothing promised though!
It's been fun fitting in a little blogging in the middle of this moving chaos. Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me and since packing makes me feel like I need to go get some therapy, it's works out for me. I decided today that unpacking is going to be less stressful and somewhat fun (ha)!!
Ta ta for now, Phelps is about to go for Gold for the very last time, can't miss that!
Happy Weekend!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
What Now?
It's really a very strange thing being an adult... married, kids, bills, responsibility, life changing decisions. How in the world did I get here? I'm 28. Really? I'm 28? "Yes, Amanda, you're 28." Sometimes that seems crazy to me. I can remember 30 being a far off age and now it's just around the corner. I've been married almost 7 years, my baby boy is almost 4, my baby girl is 2 now, so really my babies aren't babies anymore. I'm a homemaker (you know we wipe butts, cook, attempt to clean, play monster jams and barbie, and tend to spend the day in sweat pants covered in the sweat from the mornings run until we maybe get a shower in around 9pm and only because our husbands are like, "Really? Gross"). That's what I do for a living. Oh, and a drive a minivan too. Really, a minivan? "Yes, Amanda, you drive a minivan."
I've been in this reflective stage for a while. Thinking so much about where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. I don't feel old (and I know 28 isn't old), but life goes on and it's surely going on!
Had you asked me where I'd be when I was 28, minivan driver would not have been a part of my answer (although the minivan doesn't bother me too much, it's spacious, drives nice, and hey, it's sort of a badge of mommy honor).
Truth be told, I'm glad I am where I am. God had better plans then I did, but here I am. My kiddies are growing up before my eyes. C is almost potty trained (Holla!! No more diapers!!), L is starting preschool next year with C to follow come the next year. The house work gets done, usually, and much easier then when they were crawling or baby explorers. I'm finding more time for myself (not a whole lot, but enough to workout, read, and blog occasionally). Kind of a little crazy for me!!
I'm entering this new season of life and lately, I've found myself saying, "okay, now what?... have more kids??? (No! Don't do it! Not now!! Your kids are at such great ages and you actually get sleep at night!! Remember what it's like to get no sleep?? Keep trusting God on that matter, and pray hard that it's not his will right now!!) Should we get a dog??? (Really Amanda, a dog? Dogs poop and pee all over and they chew everything and then you have to take them on walks. No thank you!) Okay, okay, no more kids, no dog, should we move?? You know, get a backyard for the kids to play, have space for Matt to have the man space he's always wanted?? (Not my favorite choice here. You hate moving, Amanda!! Really everything about it... packing, unpacking, feeling unsettled... especially with kids!! And really where you are is pretty great, minus the no backyard for the kids because of the golf course and the AWFUL wallpaper in the living room, but you can live with it, moving is a bad idea!)
The more I think about it the more I keep asking myself why do we have to have a baby, get a dog, or move? Why not enjoy this season a bit? "Kick off your shoes, Amanda, enjoy your kiddies ages, go the the beach because you love it there and you can now, do big kid crafts, cook with the kids, do things you've always wanted to do with them but couldn't because they were too little. Keep getting better at this thing called mommyhood with the two amazing kids you already have. Enjoy the little bit of clean house time you have, keep working out and shoot, get in the best shape of your life, why not, you can!! Keep loving your husband and encouraging him in his new season of ministry. Be more involved, because you can!! Don't feel the need to have more kids, get a dog, or do anything crazy (except get that tattoo you really want even if people will judge you or have something to say about it, it's something you've been wanting for a while and hey, why not??)!! Just enjoy this season, girl, because who knows when the next one will arrive."
So if you were wondering what's next for the Sanders family... no kids, dogs, or houses are in our near future (unless of course it's Gods plan and not ours).
On the agenda for us... enjoy life just the way it is!
So what now for me?? Time to carpe diem the heck out of this season while I'm in it!
Cheers!
I've been in this reflective stage for a while. Thinking so much about where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. I don't feel old (and I know 28 isn't old), but life goes on and it's surely going on!
Had you asked me where I'd be when I was 28, minivan driver would not have been a part of my answer (although the minivan doesn't bother me too much, it's spacious, drives nice, and hey, it's sort of a badge of mommy honor).
Truth be told, I'm glad I am where I am. God had better plans then I did, but here I am. My kiddies are growing up before my eyes. C is almost potty trained (Holla!! No more diapers!!), L is starting preschool next year with C to follow come the next year. The house work gets done, usually, and much easier then when they were crawling or baby explorers. I'm finding more time for myself (not a whole lot, but enough to workout, read, and blog occasionally). Kind of a little crazy for me!!
I'm entering this new season of life and lately, I've found myself saying, "okay, now what?... have more kids??? (No! Don't do it! Not now!! Your kids are at such great ages and you actually get sleep at night!! Remember what it's like to get no sleep?? Keep trusting God on that matter, and pray hard that it's not his will right now!!) Should we get a dog??? (Really Amanda, a dog? Dogs poop and pee all over and they chew everything and then you have to take them on walks. No thank you!) Okay, okay, no more kids, no dog, should we move?? You know, get a backyard for the kids to play, have space for Matt to have the man space he's always wanted?? (Not my favorite choice here. You hate moving, Amanda!! Really everything about it... packing, unpacking, feeling unsettled... especially with kids!! And really where you are is pretty great, minus the no backyard for the kids because of the golf course and the AWFUL wallpaper in the living room, but you can live with it, moving is a bad idea!)
The more I think about it the more I keep asking myself why do we have to have a baby, get a dog, or move? Why not enjoy this season a bit? "Kick off your shoes, Amanda, enjoy your kiddies ages, go the the beach because you love it there and you can now, do big kid crafts, cook with the kids, do things you've always wanted to do with them but couldn't because they were too little. Keep getting better at this thing called mommyhood with the two amazing kids you already have. Enjoy the little bit of clean house time you have, keep working out and shoot, get in the best shape of your life, why not, you can!! Keep loving your husband and encouraging him in his new season of ministry. Be more involved, because you can!! Don't feel the need to have more kids, get a dog, or do anything crazy (except get that tattoo you really want even if people will judge you or have something to say about it, it's something you've been wanting for a while and hey, why not??)!! Just enjoy this season, girl, because who knows when the next one will arrive."
So if you were wondering what's next for the Sanders family... no kids, dogs, or houses are in our near future (unless of course it's Gods plan and not ours).
On the agenda for us... enjoy life just the way it is!
So what now for me?? Time to carpe diem the heck out of this season while I'm in it!
Cheers!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Voices in Our Heads & The Tugs on Our Hearts...
So I've been on this reading kick lately. I have always loved to read, but seriously, I am blowing through books these days. I enjoy reading all kinds of books... fiction, non fiction, devotions, some by christian authors, some not, I just really enjoy curling up with a good book!
This week, I've decided to get a spread sheet of "books I've completed" started and I'm pretty excited about it. Having this will help me keep track of the books/authors I've enjoyed (or haven't) and will also help when someone asks for a recommendation. (I have this forgetful side and book titles falls hard into this side of me.)
After I finished the Hunger Games Trilogy, (Yes, I read them. Yes, I enjoyed them. And yes, my excuse is that I read them because my husband is a youth pastor. I have to stay relevant, okay?) I was looking for something else to start. I checked out the New York Times Best Sellers List and was kind of intrigued by the 50 Shades books. I researched a little, to see what they were about, and discovered that the books are a bit racy. I talked with a few people who had read them and seriously started seeing the books everywhere, so I had sort of made my mind up that I would read them too... I mean, after all, I have to stay relevant right? I'm not writing this blog to knock the books or anyone who has read or will read them, but I will say after much consideration that I have decided not to read them. It's funny too, because the night I was going to download it I had dinner with a couple of other pastor's wives (we have to stick together you know). We were talking book titles and a few stood out to me. I felt a tug on my heart to choose one of those instead and so I did... and out of that one small decision comes this blog post!
With all that said, since then I have read a couple of other books and feel even more convicted that I should not read the 50 shades books. The two books I am so glad that I choose (which came recommended by one of the other pastor's wives) were And the Shofar Blew and The Scarlet Thread. I can not even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have picked those books over what I feel I may have gotten into with the other choice. Both of these books are by Francine Rivers (most known by her novel Redeeming Love, which I also recommend). These are both christian novels which contain prayers and scripture while focusing on fiction characters going through all of the same struggles many christian families today face. The books are tastefully written and refreshingly not corn ball!
After reflecting on it, I completely feel like the Holy Spirit was what was tugging on my heart to make the choices to read these two novels instead of the others I know I was being tempted to read. There are other obvious things I am doing in my life to try to be a better wife, mother, friend and all around me, but I feel like these books were the perfect escape at the end of the day yet also sent some pretty strong convictions right into my soul.
One being to love and respect my husband with every part of my being. I won't go on too much of a rant here but I feel as though this generation is missing out big time on this. It's so easy especially for stay at home moms or even working moms for that matter to begin to resent their husband and slip into a daily pity party. Love is a choice and as for me and my heart & mind I will choose to love my husband every chance that I get for as long as I get to.
The other message I felt so strongly from both of these books is that time goes by and kids grow up. Petty things don't matter, but the hearts of our children do and playing with them now while they still want us too is so important. I don't want to wake up and wish I had these moments back with them. I attended a high school graduation today and was teary eyed already thinking of my babies walking across the stage to receive a diploma and while that seems almost ridiculous, time goes by and I want the time I spend with my children to forever impact the choices they make and the people they are.
I guess I say all of this to prompt you to feel the little tug on your heart and to hear the little voice in your head because it's more than just a tug or a voice, it's God speaking to you and you have no idea what he may have in store for you and your family if you listen.
Yes, I know that the title of this post is really corny and I use a lot of "churchy talk" in this particular post, but I genuinely mean what I write and I hope that I never turn anyone away from Jesus by the things I write, say or do.
This week, I've decided to get a spread sheet of "books I've completed" started and I'm pretty excited about it. Having this will help me keep track of the books/authors I've enjoyed (or haven't) and will also help when someone asks for a recommendation. (I have this forgetful side and book titles falls hard into this side of me.)
After I finished the Hunger Games Trilogy, (Yes, I read them. Yes, I enjoyed them. And yes, my excuse is that I read them because my husband is a youth pastor. I have to stay relevant, okay?) I was looking for something else to start. I checked out the New York Times Best Sellers List and was kind of intrigued by the 50 Shades books. I researched a little, to see what they were about, and discovered that the books are a bit racy. I talked with a few people who had read them and seriously started seeing the books everywhere, so I had sort of made my mind up that I would read them too... I mean, after all, I have to stay relevant right? I'm not writing this blog to knock the books or anyone who has read or will read them, but I will say after much consideration that I have decided not to read them. It's funny too, because the night I was going to download it I had dinner with a couple of other pastor's wives (we have to stick together you know). We were talking book titles and a few stood out to me. I felt a tug on my heart to choose one of those instead and so I did... and out of that one small decision comes this blog post!
With all that said, since then I have read a couple of other books and feel even more convicted that I should not read the 50 shades books. The two books I am so glad that I choose (which came recommended by one of the other pastor's wives) were And the Shofar Blew and The Scarlet Thread. I can not even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have picked those books over what I feel I may have gotten into with the other choice. Both of these books are by Francine Rivers (most known by her novel Redeeming Love, which I also recommend). These are both christian novels which contain prayers and scripture while focusing on fiction characters going through all of the same struggles many christian families today face. The books are tastefully written and refreshingly not corn ball!
After reflecting on it, I completely feel like the Holy Spirit was what was tugging on my heart to make the choices to read these two novels instead of the others I know I was being tempted to read. There are other obvious things I am doing in my life to try to be a better wife, mother, friend and all around me, but I feel like these books were the perfect escape at the end of the day yet also sent some pretty strong convictions right into my soul.
One being to love and respect my husband with every part of my being. I won't go on too much of a rant here but I feel as though this generation is missing out big time on this. It's so easy especially for stay at home moms or even working moms for that matter to begin to resent their husband and slip into a daily pity party. Love is a choice and as for me and my heart & mind I will choose to love my husband every chance that I get for as long as I get to.
The other message I felt so strongly from both of these books is that time goes by and kids grow up. Petty things don't matter, but the hearts of our children do and playing with them now while they still want us too is so important. I don't want to wake up and wish I had these moments back with them. I attended a high school graduation today and was teary eyed already thinking of my babies walking across the stage to receive a diploma and while that seems almost ridiculous, time goes by and I want the time I spend with my children to forever impact the choices they make and the people they are.
I guess I say all of this to prompt you to feel the little tug on your heart and to hear the little voice in your head because it's more than just a tug or a voice, it's God speaking to you and you have no idea what he may have in store for you and your family if you listen.
Yes, I know that the title of this post is really corny and I use a lot of "churchy talk" in this particular post, but I genuinely mean what I write and I hope that I never turn anyone away from Jesus by the things I write, say or do.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
10 Year Runion... What the What??
What the what?? 10 year reunion? Has it really been that long already?? Crazy at it seems, it has been 10 years this month since I walked across that stage, moved my tassel from the right to the left, and threw my cap as high as I could to celebrate those 13 long years of my life.
It seems even more crazy to me that it's been almost 14 years since I walked the hallways of the "old" Lake Brantley High School as a young and naive girl of 14 who thought she had it all figured out. I can close my eyes and still picture so clearly the spot where my locker was. I remember the friends who all had their lockers in the same place and how could I forget exactly who I would wait for to pass by as I fidgeted around for books and stood there hoping he'd see me.
It's amazing to me, how quickly I can remember the smallest details of my life 14 years ago and sometimes I can't believe just how much can change over the course of 4 years of life... and how much more after 10 years. Looking back knowing what I know now it's hard not to want to shake some sense into the girl I was then. Those first two years of high school could've really done some damage, and in some ways they certainly did, but I got off easy. I can reflect on it all now and see God's hand firmly placed in my life, protecting me in SO many ways. There is no other explanation for the way my life took so many amazing turns, that I walked through the right doors and pasted by the ones that would've done me so much harm, and that I find myself where I am today and not where I was on my way to those first two years. All these years later I'm still thanking God his protection.
It's hard not to say I have regrets because I do. Regrets of things I did and things I didn't, things I said, or maybe should've, but that's part of life. It's also hard to say that I'd go back and change a thing because I do believe where I was (and was going) got me to where I am today. Had I not gone through a lot of what I did those first two years, I may not have had a reason to search for something more. I can remember when things changed for me. I was finishing up my Sophomore year. Still so young and so caught up in things (and people) I shouldn't have been caught up in. There was a breaking point for me. I'm not sure that it was just one thing that triggered it, but I can remember suddenly feeling so broken and so alone. I can remember crying like a baby, curled up in a fetal position on the floor of my old bedroom, so torn up about boys, friends, drama and the way things were going for me. I felt so empty and unsatisfied with life in general and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't too long after that slight breakdown that I started attending a youth group regularly with a friend of a friend (who I still talk to today) and it didn't take me too long after that to figure out that I was feeling a purpose, had excitement, and was full of life again. People cared about me (like really cared about me) there, I felt like I could be more of who I was and I didn't feel all of the pressure I once had to do things I didn't want to do, in places I should not have been, with people who had the ability to crush me. I didn't look back much on who I had been after that. The summer before my Junior year, God changed me.
The next two years of high school are the years I love remembering. Do I still have regrets, well, yes of course, but not nearly as many and most not as serious as the ones from the prior years. My Junior and Senior years of high school are some of the best memories of my youth and what I love most about them is that almost all of them include the man that I married and so many of the people who are still in our lives today. It's so fun to go back and read the things that I wrote to Matt in his yearbooks. I shared so many of the memories in them that I still hold dear to my heart. It makes me smile to think of the good times we shared and that we'll share them together for the rest of our lives.
These past 10 years in some ways have flown by and in other ways (especially looking back now) seemed to have gone by at just the right speed. I feel so distant from that young girl of 14 who once walked the halls of the "old" LBHS. I'm a married woman of almost 7 years (to an amazing man of God who I've been lucky enough to call mine for the past 11 years). I'm a college graduate with a BA in Elementary Education (which I plan to use to educate my kiddies from home with), a mommy of 2 of the most ridiculously awesome little people I've ever met, and so full of joy which comes only from the hope that I have in a Savior who I am head over heels for. I'm so satisfied with the life God has given me and with the direction in which He choose for me and while I have my faults I know that everyday, if I look to Him, I am headed in the right direction, toward becoming all He ever created me to be.
Reality is, time goes by. Coming up to 30 and really reflecting over my high school years and the 10 years to follow has been fun for me. I am beyond blessed and there is no where else I would want to be in my life then where I am today. And as time goes on, I hope I always find myself feeling that way.
It's amazing to me how much wisdom comes with years gone by and an open heart ready to listen to the Word of God. Thank you, Lord for saving me when I so desperately needed saving.
I'm undecided if I'll be attending my 10 year reunion, but here's to the memories (the good and the bad) and to the next 10 years c/o 2002!
It would be unfair for me to write this and not say anything to anyone who is feeling now how I felt toward the end of my sophomore year. I'm not a preacher by any means, but I feel like I should say if you are broken, empty, or unsatisfied with life maybe you could give Jesus a try. Corny as it sounds I can promise He won't disappoint. The things I have seen happen over the past 12 years could only be possible through an all powerful, all knowing, almighty God. If you're searching for something, give Him a try and please feel free to contact me. I don't claim to have all the answers and don't know that I ever will, but I know a God who can do some pretty awesome things. I love Jeremiah 29:11 because I can look back now and see it so clearly at work in my life. "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." If you're feeling hopeless, I pray that you will turn to God and that you will find all you've ever been searching for.
It seems even more crazy to me that it's been almost 14 years since I walked the hallways of the "old" Lake Brantley High School as a young and naive girl of 14 who thought she had it all figured out. I can close my eyes and still picture so clearly the spot where my locker was. I remember the friends who all had their lockers in the same place and how could I forget exactly who I would wait for to pass by as I fidgeted around for books and stood there hoping he'd see me.
It's amazing to me, how quickly I can remember the smallest details of my life 14 years ago and sometimes I can't believe just how much can change over the course of 4 years of life... and how much more after 10 years. Looking back knowing what I know now it's hard not to want to shake some sense into the girl I was then. Those first two years of high school could've really done some damage, and in some ways they certainly did, but I got off easy. I can reflect on it all now and see God's hand firmly placed in my life, protecting me in SO many ways. There is no other explanation for the way my life took so many amazing turns, that I walked through the right doors and pasted by the ones that would've done me so much harm, and that I find myself where I am today and not where I was on my way to those first two years. All these years later I'm still thanking God his protection.
It's hard not to say I have regrets because I do. Regrets of things I did and things I didn't, things I said, or maybe should've, but that's part of life. It's also hard to say that I'd go back and change a thing because I do believe where I was (and was going) got me to where I am today. Had I not gone through a lot of what I did those first two years, I may not have had a reason to search for something more. I can remember when things changed for me. I was finishing up my Sophomore year. Still so young and so caught up in things (and people) I shouldn't have been caught up in. There was a breaking point for me. I'm not sure that it was just one thing that triggered it, but I can remember suddenly feeling so broken and so alone. I can remember crying like a baby, curled up in a fetal position on the floor of my old bedroom, so torn up about boys, friends, drama and the way things were going for me. I felt so empty and unsatisfied with life in general and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't too long after that slight breakdown that I started attending a youth group regularly with a friend of a friend (who I still talk to today) and it didn't take me too long after that to figure out that I was feeling a purpose, had excitement, and was full of life again. People cared about me (like really cared about me) there, I felt like I could be more of who I was and I didn't feel all of the pressure I once had to do things I didn't want to do, in places I should not have been, with people who had the ability to crush me. I didn't look back much on who I had been after that. The summer before my Junior year, God changed me.
The next two years of high school are the years I love remembering. Do I still have regrets, well, yes of course, but not nearly as many and most not as serious as the ones from the prior years. My Junior and Senior years of high school are some of the best memories of my youth and what I love most about them is that almost all of them include the man that I married and so many of the people who are still in our lives today. It's so fun to go back and read the things that I wrote to Matt in his yearbooks. I shared so many of the memories in them that I still hold dear to my heart. It makes me smile to think of the good times we shared and that we'll share them together for the rest of our lives.
These past 10 years in some ways have flown by and in other ways (especially looking back now) seemed to have gone by at just the right speed. I feel so distant from that young girl of 14 who once walked the halls of the "old" LBHS. I'm a married woman of almost 7 years (to an amazing man of God who I've been lucky enough to call mine for the past 11 years). I'm a college graduate with a BA in Elementary Education (which I plan to use to educate my kiddies from home with), a mommy of 2 of the most ridiculously awesome little people I've ever met, and so full of joy which comes only from the hope that I have in a Savior who I am head over heels for. I'm so satisfied with the life God has given me and with the direction in which He choose for me and while I have my faults I know that everyday, if I look to Him, I am headed in the right direction, toward becoming all He ever created me to be.
Reality is, time goes by. Coming up to 30 and really reflecting over my high school years and the 10 years to follow has been fun for me. I am beyond blessed and there is no where else I would want to be in my life then where I am today. And as time goes on, I hope I always find myself feeling that way.
It's amazing to me how much wisdom comes with years gone by and an open heart ready to listen to the Word of God. Thank you, Lord for saving me when I so desperately needed saving.
I'm undecided if I'll be attending my 10 year reunion, but here's to the memories (the good and the bad) and to the next 10 years c/o 2002!
It would be unfair for me to write this and not say anything to anyone who is feeling now how I felt toward the end of my sophomore year. I'm not a preacher by any means, but I feel like I should say if you are broken, empty, or unsatisfied with life maybe you could give Jesus a try. Corny as it sounds I can promise He won't disappoint. The things I have seen happen over the past 12 years could only be possible through an all powerful, all knowing, almighty God. If you're searching for something, give Him a try and please feel free to contact me. I don't claim to have all the answers and don't know that I ever will, but I know a God who can do some pretty awesome things. I love Jeremiah 29:11 because I can look back now and see it so clearly at work in my life. "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." If you're feeling hopeless, I pray that you will turn to God and that you will find all you've ever been searching for.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Love to Write... Write to Love.
Sometimes I wish I could just do all my communicating through written words. Writing has always been the easiest way for me to get my thoughts out and together in a way that seems to make the most sense. It's almost like a filter or a way for me to plan out how I feel or see things before it all comes flying out of my mouth. I have a thinking before speaking problem. My problem is that I just don't tend to do it. Ask my husband, my children or my mother and I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem disagreeing with my confession. Writing just makes thinking before expression so easy for me because all the thoughts that I have put into words become so delete-able after I've reread them, rethought about them, and had a moment to decide that they are inappropriate, unnecessary, or not rooted in love. It's also so much easier to add in the things that I've forgotten to say or feel the need to add in so that what I've written seems complete to me.
I constantly reflect. Reflect about the past, reflect about the present, and want to make sure that when I look back I have no regrets. Being able to go back and reread my thoughts, what I've written or what has been written to me is so much easier then remembering or replaying a conversation in my head. Words are so easily twisted, changed or left out when reflecting on a verbal convo or confrontation, but when they're right there in front of you on paper or a screen there is no swaying from what was said or wasn't. It's funny too because as I'm writing this I'm shaking my head yes in agreement with myself. I can't help it, I just love to write!
Now don't get me wrong, obviously the world and it's use of media (facebook, text messaging, email, etc.) has gotten a little out of hand. The generation rising up is going to have a lot of relationship issues because they're breaking up and making up all through texts or fb relationship statuses, but this isn't what I'm talking about. Once again ask my husband, he'll tell you, I like to talk too and I can appreciate a face to face conversation. I especially love/need phone calls from my mom and my mommy friends frequently just to get some good ol' adult conversation in my life!! If I kept to solely to writing and playing with trains and barbies all day I might go a little insane (I guess I should say a little more insane then I already am), but I just find writing to be so much a part of me and who I am and when I haven't done if for a while, I crave it.
I've started really thinking about that lately, and how I can use my love for writing as a way to glorify God. I feel like part of why I blog is to express myself while encouraging others and trying my best to clearly point anyone who reads what I write to God.
In my personal life though, I've started to make a connection with writing and my prayers. When I write them, I can clearly see exactly what I'm praying about. I feel like I'm so much more able to clearly say what I feel to God in sort of an organized way and most of all, that I'm praying for the things that I should absolutely be praying for every day. I've found that doing this has in a way freed up what I'm praying for throughout the day. I can be in prayer without thinking to myself, "okay, I should be praying for my husband, and my kids, and this person and that person," because I know that I've already actively prayed for them earlier when I wrote them all down. I'm more free to just pray for little things that come up like... patience in the moment... thinking before I speak... the man on the corner holding a sign... or whatever comes to mind.
It's been pretty amazing. And what's more, is it's been like multitasking. I haven't had the time or energy lately to blog, but I have been finding fulfillment daily in writing about the things that are most dear to me in this life to the one who is most dear to me in this life.
Thanking God today for giving me the ability to write, the ability to pray, and helping me find the connection!
I constantly reflect. Reflect about the past, reflect about the present, and want to make sure that when I look back I have no regrets. Being able to go back and reread my thoughts, what I've written or what has been written to me is so much easier then remembering or replaying a conversation in my head. Words are so easily twisted, changed or left out when reflecting on a verbal convo or confrontation, but when they're right there in front of you on paper or a screen there is no swaying from what was said or wasn't. It's funny too because as I'm writing this I'm shaking my head yes in agreement with myself. I can't help it, I just love to write!
Now don't get me wrong, obviously the world and it's use of media (facebook, text messaging, email, etc.) has gotten a little out of hand. The generation rising up is going to have a lot of relationship issues because they're breaking up and making up all through texts or fb relationship statuses, but this isn't what I'm talking about. Once again ask my husband, he'll tell you, I like to talk too and I can appreciate a face to face conversation. I especially love/need phone calls from my mom and my mommy friends frequently just to get some good ol' adult conversation in my life!! If I kept to solely to writing and playing with trains and barbies all day I might go a little insane (I guess I should say a little more insane then I already am), but I just find writing to be so much a part of me and who I am and when I haven't done if for a while, I crave it.
I've started really thinking about that lately, and how I can use my love for writing as a way to glorify God. I feel like part of why I blog is to express myself while encouraging others and trying my best to clearly point anyone who reads what I write to God.
In my personal life though, I've started to make a connection with writing and my prayers. When I write them, I can clearly see exactly what I'm praying about. I feel like I'm so much more able to clearly say what I feel to God in sort of an organized way and most of all, that I'm praying for the things that I should absolutely be praying for every day. I've found that doing this has in a way freed up what I'm praying for throughout the day. I can be in prayer without thinking to myself, "okay, I should be praying for my husband, and my kids, and this person and that person," because I know that I've already actively prayed for them earlier when I wrote them all down. I'm more free to just pray for little things that come up like... patience in the moment... thinking before I speak... the man on the corner holding a sign... or whatever comes to mind.
It's been pretty amazing. And what's more, is it's been like multitasking. I haven't had the time or energy lately to blog, but I have been finding fulfillment daily in writing about the things that are most dear to me in this life to the one who is most dear to me in this life.
Thanking God today for giving me the ability to write, the ability to pray, and helping me find the connection!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Life Happens!
Yeah, it's been almost a year since I've blogged. Life happens, and it happens really fast when you have 2 kiddies 20 months apart under the age of 4!!
Truth is, life happens for all of us. We're all swamped with so much. Sometimes I seriously feel like I have no idea how I'm going to get through the day with a messy house closing in on me, 2 kids tugging at my feet needing me (who don't really want to take naps), a husband that really is the best and doesn't ask for much (but needs me to be the wife I am called to be), family, friends, ministry stuff, bills, bushy eyebrows staring me down every time I look in the mirror, and a selfish nature I'm trying to dump! It's a lot!
It's been quite a wild ride having 2 kids so close in age. I think the last year has been probably the hardest year of my life. I really don't know how people get by without a loving God to call on, lean on, and trust in. A God whose plan for our life is better then any we could dream up for ourselves.
I'm 28 now. Seems pretty crazy sometimes. 30 is creeping up on me (seriously??? yep!) and really and truly, I feel like I'm growing everyday into the woman that God wants me to be. Am I lacking in most areas? Absolutely, but I feel like this past year has been such a HUGE time of growth for me. I feel like God has put people in my life, dropped books on my head, and lead me to verses in the Bible that have helped me see a little more clearly, that have given me a really strong hope. A hope for so much more then I could've ever imagined. A hope that maybe I am a good wife, and mom, and that I am doing a good job, and that if I keep relying on Him for my strength that He will provide. Truth is, being a mom isn't easy. Keeping a strong marriage isn't easy either, and feeling stable, sane, and okay while trying to juggle it all doesn't seem possible. I've been drawn over and over to Romans 5: 1-5 this year. I love readying the NKJ version, but my new favorite is from The Message. It reads like this,
1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
Truth is, life happens for all of us. We're all swamped with so much. Sometimes I seriously feel like I have no idea how I'm going to get through the day with a messy house closing in on me, 2 kids tugging at my feet needing me (who don't really want to take naps), a husband that really is the best and doesn't ask for much (but needs me to be the wife I am called to be), family, friends, ministry stuff, bills, bushy eyebrows staring me down every time I look in the mirror, and a selfish nature I'm trying to dump! It's a lot!
It's been quite a wild ride having 2 kids so close in age. I think the last year has been probably the hardest year of my life. I really don't know how people get by without a loving God to call on, lean on, and trust in. A God whose plan for our life is better then any we could dream up for ourselves.
I'm 28 now. Seems pretty crazy sometimes. 30 is creeping up on me (seriously??? yep!) and really and truly, I feel like I'm growing everyday into the woman that God wants me to be. Am I lacking in most areas? Absolutely, but I feel like this past year has been such a HUGE time of growth for me. I feel like God has put people in my life, dropped books on my head, and lead me to verses in the Bible that have helped me see a little more clearly, that have given me a really strong hope. A hope for so much more then I could've ever imagined. A hope that maybe I am a good wife, and mom, and that I am doing a good job, and that if I keep relying on Him for my strength that He will provide. Truth is, being a mom isn't easy. Keeping a strong marriage isn't easy either, and feeling stable, sane, and okay while trying to juggle it all doesn't seem possible. I've been drawn over and over to Romans 5: 1-5 this year. I love readying the NKJ version, but my new favorite is from The Message. It reads like this,
1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
These words mean so much to me! To know that if I just keep the faith, keep pushing forward, keep pushing through hard times, gaining life experience, and wisdom, and learning how to have patience through the hard moments, and experiences it's priceless! Knowing this is a season of my life that will pass and that what I do and learn from it will help me grow into all that God has for me... it's like really really good music to my ears!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't just want to survive. I want to go through my life with joy. Joy through it all. Joy from the hope that I have in my God.
Something I'm learning and need to keep at the forefront of everyday is that I AM NOT PERFECT. That what I read and see on pinterest, facebook, other blogs and social media isn't the way life really is. Yeah, sure, every now and then I do a pretty cool DIY project, cut my kids food into fun shapes, have the house clean, dinner on the table, and happy kids all at the same time, but that's not going to happen every day. It's not real! If I let go of my OCD, enjoy my children, play with them, dirty up the house, make a messy meal, spend time with my husband, and go to bed knowing there is a good chance our house could be deemed condemned if a health inspector walked though... but that we had fun, made memories, and it will still be there when we wake up tomorrow... is okay!
I don't want to look back on these years of my children's life and think... "wow, I spent a lot of time trying to be perfect, have a clean house, and wishing I did a better job at it all." I want to look back and remember, "that was tough, every day of it! God saw me through even on the hardest days." I want to look back and have fun memories playing with my kids, getting along with my husband, and making big messes together as a family!
Life is short and it happens whether we are paying attention or not. Kids are growing up, time is going by, and before you know it all we will have are the memories.
Thank you, Lord, for getting through to me! For making me see this. For knocking me on my feet and teaching me this. For giving me hope. Hope in You and hope for me!
I am blessed. My life is happening now and I don't want to miss a second of it!
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