What the what?? 10 year reunion? Has it really been that long already?? Crazy at it seems, it has been 10 years this month since I walked across that stage, moved my tassel from the right to the left, and threw my cap as high as I could to celebrate those 13 long years of my life.
It seems even more crazy to me that it's been almost 14 years since I walked the hallways of the "old" Lake Brantley High School as a young and naive girl of 14 who thought she had it all figured out. I can close my eyes and still picture so clearly the spot where my locker was. I remember the friends who all had their lockers in the same place and how could I forget exactly who I would wait for to pass by as I fidgeted around for books and stood there hoping he'd see me.
It's amazing to me, how quickly I can remember the smallest details of my life 14 years ago and sometimes I can't believe just how much can change over the course of 4 years of life... and how much more after 10 years. Looking back knowing what I know now it's hard not to want to shake some sense into the girl I was then. Those first two years of high school could've really done some damage, and in some ways they certainly did, but I got off easy. I can reflect on it all now and see God's hand firmly placed in my life, protecting me in SO many ways. There is no other explanation for the way my life took so many amazing turns, that I walked through the right doors and pasted by the ones that would've done me so much harm, and that I find myself where I am today and not where I was on my way to those first two years. All these years later I'm still thanking God his protection.
It's hard not to say I have regrets because I do. Regrets of things I did and things I didn't, things I said, or maybe should've, but that's part of life. It's also hard to say that I'd go back and change a thing because I do believe where I was (and was going) got me to where I am today. Had I not gone through a lot of what I did those first two years, I may not have had a reason to search for something more. I can remember when things changed for me. I was finishing up my Sophomore year. Still so young and so caught up in things (and people) I shouldn't have been caught up in. There was a breaking point for me. I'm not sure that it was just one thing that triggered it, but I can remember suddenly feeling so broken and so alone. I can remember crying like a baby, curled up in a fetal position on the floor of my old bedroom, so torn up about boys, friends, drama and the way things were going for me. I felt so empty and unsatisfied with life in general and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't too long after that slight breakdown that I started attending a youth group regularly with a friend of a friend (who I still talk to today) and it didn't take me too long after that to figure out that I was feeling a purpose, had excitement, and was full of life again. People cared about me (like really cared about me) there, I felt like I could be more of who I was and I didn't feel all of the pressure I once had to do things I didn't want to do, in places I should not have been, with people who had the ability to crush me. I didn't look back much on who I had been after that. The summer before my Junior year, God changed me.
The next two years of high school are the years I love remembering. Do I still have regrets, well, yes of course, but not nearly as many and most not as serious as the ones from the prior years. My Junior and Senior years of high school are some of the best memories of my youth and what I love most about them is that almost all of them include the man that I married and so many of the people who are still in our lives today. It's so fun to go back and read the things that I wrote to Matt in his yearbooks. I shared so many of the memories in them that I still hold dear to my heart. It makes me smile to think of the good times we shared and that we'll share them together for the rest of our lives.
These past 10 years in some ways have flown by and in other ways (especially looking back now) seemed to have gone by at just the right speed. I feel so distant from that young girl of 14 who once walked the halls of the "old" LBHS. I'm a married woman of almost 7 years (to an amazing man of God who I've been lucky enough to call mine for the past 11 years). I'm a college graduate with a BA in Elementary Education (which I plan to use to educate my kiddies from home with), a mommy of 2 of the most ridiculously awesome little people I've ever met, and so full of joy which comes only from the hope that I have in a Savior who I am head over heels for. I'm so satisfied with the life God has given me and with the direction in which He choose for me and while I have my faults I know that everyday, if I look to Him, I am headed in the right direction, toward becoming all He ever created me to be.
Reality is, time goes by. Coming up to 30 and really reflecting over my high school years and the 10 years to follow has been fun for me. I am beyond blessed and there is no where else I would want to be in my life then where I am today. And as time goes on, I hope I always find myself feeling that way.
It's amazing to me how much wisdom comes with years gone by and an open heart ready to listen to the Word of God. Thank you, Lord for saving me when I so desperately needed saving.
I'm undecided if I'll be attending my 10 year reunion, but here's to the memories (the good and the bad) and to the next 10 years c/o 2002!
It would be unfair for me to write this and not say anything to anyone who is feeling now how I felt toward the end of my sophomore year. I'm not a preacher by any means, but I feel like I should say if you are broken, empty, or unsatisfied with life maybe you could give Jesus a try. Corny as it sounds I can promise He won't disappoint. The things I have seen happen over the past 12 years could only be possible through an all powerful, all knowing, almighty God. If you're searching for something, give Him a try and please feel free to contact me. I don't claim to have all the answers and don't know that I ever will, but I know a God who can do some pretty awesome things. I love Jeremiah 29:11 because I can look back now and see it so clearly at work in my life. "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." If you're feeling hopeless, I pray that you will turn to God and that you will find all you've ever been searching for.
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