Sometimes I wish I could just do all my communicating through written words. Writing has always been the easiest way for me to get my thoughts out and together in a way that seems to make the most sense. It's almost like a filter or a way for me to plan out how I feel or see things before it all comes flying out of my mouth. I have a thinking before speaking problem. My problem is that I just don't tend to do it. Ask my husband, my children or my mother and I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem disagreeing with my confession. Writing just makes thinking before expression so easy for me because all the thoughts that I have put into words become so delete-able after I've reread them, rethought about them, and had a moment to decide that they are inappropriate, unnecessary, or not rooted in love. It's also so much easier to add in the things that I've forgotten to say or feel the need to add in so that what I've written seems complete to me.
I constantly reflect. Reflect about the past, reflect about the present, and want to make sure that when I look back I have no regrets. Being able to go back and reread my thoughts, what I've written or what has been written to me is so much easier then remembering or replaying a conversation in my head. Words are so easily twisted, changed or left out when reflecting on a verbal convo or confrontation, but when they're right there in front of you on paper or a screen there is no swaying from what was said or wasn't. It's funny too because as I'm writing this I'm shaking my head yes in agreement with myself. I can't help it, I just love to write!
Now don't get me wrong, obviously the world and it's use of media (facebook, text messaging, email, etc.) has gotten a little out of hand. The generation rising up is going to have a lot of relationship issues because they're breaking up and making up all through texts or fb relationship statuses, but this isn't what I'm talking about. Once again ask my husband, he'll tell you, I like to talk too and I can appreciate a face to face conversation. I especially love/need phone calls from my mom and my mommy friends frequently just to get some good ol' adult conversation in my life!! If I kept to solely to writing and playing with trains and barbies all day I might go a little insane (I guess I should say a little more insane then I already am), but I just find writing to be so much a part of me and who I am and when I haven't done if for a while, I crave it.
I've started really thinking about that lately, and how I can use my love for writing as a way to glorify God. I feel like part of why I blog is to express myself while encouraging others and trying my best to clearly point anyone who reads what I write to God.
In my personal life though, I've started to make a connection with writing and my prayers. When I write them, I can clearly see exactly what I'm praying about. I feel like I'm so much more able to clearly say what I feel to God in sort of an organized way and most of all, that I'm praying for the things that I should absolutely be praying for every day. I've found that doing this has in a way freed up what I'm praying for throughout the day. I can be in prayer without thinking to myself, "okay, I should be praying for my husband, and my kids, and this person and that person," because I know that I've already actively prayed for them earlier when I wrote them all down. I'm more free to just pray for little things that come up like... patience in the moment... thinking before I speak... the man on the corner holding a sign... or whatever comes to mind.
It's been pretty amazing. And what's more, is it's been like multitasking. I haven't had the time or energy lately to blog, but I have been finding fulfillment daily in writing about the things that are most dear to me in this life to the one who is most dear to me in this life.
Thanking God today for giving me the ability to write, the ability to pray, and helping me find the connection!
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