I still really have no idea where to start... so let me say this... one of my favorite people in the entire world, left it, 3 years ago this Wednesday.
Lauryn and I met about 9 years ago. I was immediately drawn to her spunky, upbeat personality. She was kind-hearted, yet wasn't going to put up with anyone's crap either (my kind of girl). In a lot of ways I saw a little bit of me in her.
She started attending Journey's youth group the first year that I started leading a small group for girls. She joined my group and we soon had a "forever friends" kind of bond. I picked her up often to hang out, drink coffee, and talk life. Lauryn was one of the most honest and up front teens I have ever known. If she was going through crap in her life, she told it like it was. If she was struggling with temptation she would openly admit it. And when I called her out, she accepted it with love and made the changes she knew she needed to make because the girl didn't want to rob God of the Glory she knew He deserved. Lauryn was one of the most refreshing young women I have ever met! I could go on and on about the amazing qualities she possessed and still forget a bunch. I honestly loved her like family and saw her as a little sister and, believe me, I would defend her and protect her like one too.
I have so many fun memories of us laughing until we cried and so many others of us crying until we laughed again. If I only knew then how precious those times we shared together were. I had the honor of seeing her baptism and reading the letter she wrote beforehand to confess her love, acceptance, and need for her Savior.
I was and still am so very proud of the young woman she was growing up to be. When I attended her high school graduation I cried like a baby and hugged her until her eyes were rolling just like a mom would. At her graduation she read her senior bible verse aloud and I thought it was perfectly fitting to so many of the "life" convos we had together. It was from Isaiah 55 verses 8 & 9. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." She often thought that life wasn't fair, but she was always so willing to except her circumstances, do the best she could, rely on God, and to know that His ways were better than hers. She was wise beyond her years and such a rare "what you see is what you get" kind of girl.
As she started college and moved out we didn't see each other as often. We were both busy with "life." I was getting married, wrapping up college, buying a house, and starting a family and Lauryn was taking classes, working to pay bills, and growing and discovering who she was as a responsible adult. We still met occasionally and she was still always so honest and straight forward with me (something I absolutely loved about her).
The last time we met was over coffee at Starbucks. I told her I was pregnant that afternoon and she was so excited for us. She was going through a little bit of a rough time and I could tell she didn't want to disappoint me. I reassured her that she couldn't disappoint me and that "stuff" happens. I just wish I had hugged her a little tighter, told her how much I loved her and how very proud of her I was that last time we said goodbye.
March 29th, 2008. I can remember it like it was yesterday and yet, sometimes I see it all as a blur. It was a Sunday morning and I was getting ready for church. My cell phone rang and it was one of my best friends, Jill. She was calling to see if I had heard about Lauryn. I had not. Lauryn worked for Chic-fil-A and was helping open a new location in Miami. She worked the week and missed her family so much she decided to drive home on Saturday night even though she had to be back by Monday morning. Jill told me that Lauryn was in a pretty bad car accident while on her way home, was currently on life support, and was not doing well. As far as she knew Lauryn was unresponsive. In my mind, none of that mattered. She was a fighter and was going to make it. I had settled on that. I was shakin' up sure, but not distraught because there was no doubt in my mind that she would pull through. First, I prayed and prayed for God to heal her. Then, I remember calling Julie, another amazing young woman I have had the privilege to lead and told her what happened. She was in countless small groups with Lauryn, shared her room and her heart with Lauryn on summer trips, and loved her very much too. Julie was of course upset too, but like me, felt as though Lauryn was too strong not to make it through.
I carried on with my day not too worried until that evening, when everything changed. I got the news that even after surgery (to release the pressure on her brain), Lauryn was not responding. Her family had made the tough decision to remove her from life support the next morning. I lost it. I was a mess. I had always been one to hold it together and at least put on a smile until I was in the privacy of my own house, but I was wrecked. I was in shock and denial and I was mad. Mad that it happened and mad that she was not being healed. I was even mad that her family had decided to take her off of life support. I felt like it was too soon, like she just needed some time. I have since realized that her family of course had more information and I'm certain their decision was not without prayerful consideration and guidance. I've changed a lot since those days, I've gained a lot more knowledge about life and that sometimes His will is not our will and like her senior bible verse says, "His ways are not ours."
Her funeral was on my birthday and while selfishly, I really didn't want it to be on that day, I could not have thought of a better place to be that day then to be celebrating the life of someone amazing.
Oh how I miss Lauryn and wish we could do lunch tomorrow. She was something special and I will forever remember the amazing young woman she was.
This is such a beautiful post. I can only imagine how hard it was to write but I thank you for sharing this story. It's a reminder that although life does not always go as we plan...God is in control. Thinking of you this week!
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ReplyDeleteWhere do I even begin to thank you for your statements about
Lauryn. Thank you ! Thank you! This month is one of the saddest times in my life. I understand ever one goes on with life. As others celebrate a birthday, holiday and anniversary etc. I celebrate my daughters life which ended way to soon. ( in my eyes and heart) I too have been left with Isaiah 55: 8-9 that His ways are not my ways. Easier said and much harder to live. Isn't that christiananity saying is one thing and living it out us were the strength of God
comes in!!! Let me say thank you for all u did for Lauryn and me as well. I was a single mom trying to make ends meet and get my kids good Christian friends and etc. You helped me out and well became one of her dearest friends.You described my Lauryn perfectly....pistol , loyal, strong, loving,
committed and most importantly a believer. Thank you for all u did and continue to do! May the Lord bless u and your family. He blessed me so much being Lauryn's mom!!!! I have know doubt I will see my Lovey again! Xoxoxo Robyn ( Lauryn's mom)
It's so hard every year, I miss Lauryn she was amazing. My bday is the day she died :(
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