Truth is, life happens for all of us. We're all swamped with so much. Sometimes I seriously feel like I have no idea how I'm going to get through the day with a messy house closing in on me, 2 kids tugging at my feet needing me (who don't really want to take naps), a husband that really is the best and doesn't ask for much (but needs me to be the wife I am called to be), family, friends, ministry stuff, bills, bushy eyebrows staring me down every time I look in the mirror, and a selfish nature I'm trying to dump! It's a lot!
It's been quite a wild ride having 2 kids so close in age. I think the last year has been probably the hardest year of my life. I really don't know how people get by without a loving God to call on, lean on, and trust in. A God whose plan for our life is better then any we could dream up for ourselves.
I'm 28 now. Seems pretty crazy sometimes. 30 is creeping up on me (seriously??? yep!) and really and truly, I feel like I'm growing everyday into the woman that God wants me to be. Am I lacking in most areas? Absolutely, but I feel like this past year has been such a HUGE time of growth for me. I feel like God has put people in my life, dropped books on my head, and lead me to verses in the Bible that have helped me see a little more clearly, that have given me a really strong hope. A hope for so much more then I could've ever imagined. A hope that maybe I am a good wife, and mom, and that I am doing a good job, and that if I keep relying on Him for my strength that He will provide. Truth is, being a mom isn't easy. Keeping a strong marriage isn't easy either, and feeling stable, sane, and okay while trying to juggle it all doesn't seem possible. I've been drawn over and over to Romans 5: 1-5 this year. I love readying the NKJ version, but my new favorite is from The Message. It reads like this,
1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
These words mean so much to me! To know that if I just keep the faith, keep pushing forward, keep pushing through hard times, gaining life experience, and wisdom, and learning how to have patience through the hard moments, and experiences it's priceless! Knowing this is a season of my life that will pass and that what I do and learn from it will help me grow into all that God has for me... it's like really really good music to my ears!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't just want to survive. I want to go through my life with joy. Joy through it all. Joy from the hope that I have in my God.
Something I'm learning and need to keep at the forefront of everyday is that I AM NOT PERFECT. That what I read and see on pinterest, facebook, other blogs and social media isn't the way life really is. Yeah, sure, every now and then I do a pretty cool DIY project, cut my kids food into fun shapes, have the house clean, dinner on the table, and happy kids all at the same time, but that's not going to happen every day. It's not real! If I let go of my OCD, enjoy my children, play with them, dirty up the house, make a messy meal, spend time with my husband, and go to bed knowing there is a good chance our house could be deemed condemned if a health inspector walked though... but that we had fun, made memories, and it will still be there when we wake up tomorrow... is okay!
I don't want to look back on these years of my children's life and think... "wow, I spent a lot of time trying to be perfect, have a clean house, and wishing I did a better job at it all." I want to look back and remember, "that was tough, every day of it! God saw me through even on the hardest days." I want to look back and have fun memories playing with my kids, getting along with my husband, and making big messes together as a family!
Life is short and it happens whether we are paying attention or not. Kids are growing up, time is going by, and before you know it all we will have are the memories.
Thank you, Lord, for getting through to me! For making me see this. For knocking me on my feet and teaching me this. For giving me hope. Hope in You and hope for me!
I am blessed. My life is happening now and I don't want to miss a second of it!
